Morning is what happens when you wake up!

Hey ladies, I've been so blessed by all the women who have been following my blog and walking with our family lately it's been such a blessing, so thank you..... Tonight I just had this urge again to spill my heart out on paper...or screen. My hope and prayer is that some of you can relate!

Do you ever feel numb?
Like your just kinda floating through your days. I feel like this has been my life lately.

I'm a word girl, I know my word and am in it regularly. But I feel like lately it's been a one way relationship as far as that goes. The thing that I have had to stand on lately are the words I read in my bible, and only that.
I haven't been getting huge revelations from God or had any life changing encounters.
It was simply telling myself day in and day out to believe what the bible tells me.

I found it funny to see how when something like our financial stability was shaken my faith is rocked and tested.
I kept saying "I'm a Peter".....I can get up and preach about the love of Christ and claim I would do anything for My Jesus...but then turn around and start questioning everything as soon as my faith is tested.

It wasn't until church this past Sunday that everything fell into place.
At church our pastor said these words...

"God is more concerned about your character then your comfort"

It was something that was so hard to hear.

It wasn't like this was the main topic of the sermon or anything but just one of those passing phrases. It's hilarious to its something I know, it would probably even be something I would say to some one else, however this day it stuck with me and I was unable to listen to anything else in the service because my mind couldn't move from that phrase.

Comfort....

If you think about it from the moment we are born we are taught to reach for the things that bring us comfort. Our mothers, our blankets, soothers, favorite toys....it seems to change with age but the idea stays the same. Comfort and safety seem to be tied together and we WANT it. We will do almost anything to feel safe.

As I thought about this phrase more and more I started to reflect on these past months. I noticed a pattern when I got panicked or worried.....I would pray...but I didn't know what to pray for....I would then get angry...then turn my anger to God or if I was really scared my husband...round and round the merry go round I went.

I have prayed so many times...God we are believing for this or bring us this...or we need this.....

I was like wow I'm so annoying.....

It was this profound turning point in my heart and in our trial and my own personal growth "I said God help me to put my idea of comfort and safety aside, show me what your trying to cultivate in me how your trying to grow me"

It was the first time in months that my spirit has lined up with the word of God.
It was the first time in months that my spirit was at peace.
It was the first time in months that I was free from anger and blame and worry.

It was as if everything was lifted off of me. Let me rephrase that, everything WAS lifted off of me.

Looking at this situation and watching God pull out of me this willing, broken, fully surrendered spirit has me in complete awe.

He moves when he moves and it is always right.

He knows my person so intimately and so profoundly that it pushes me to be more like him.

We have heard the bible say "joy comes in the morning". I have heard this great quote that says morning isn't necessarily in the a.m, morning is what happens when you wake up!

Taking my eyes off the problem and putting them on the provider.

So.....today the kids and I went out and got a bunch of stuff to make one of my husbands favorite meals, we had the works. With a lovely dessert (not jello like the kids suggested). Got a bottle of sparkling water and had a hero supper for my husband.

Growth is fantastic when you get reach the realization spot of growth but the "waiting" part is difficult and often one tends to take it out on the people closest to them, even when you don't know it.

Has our situation changed, nope not really. But my perspective has....once again this God you were right...you were giving me what I need when I needed it. You knew when to push me, when to be silent, when to test me and when shout so that I woke up!

The only words I have for you Lord is thank you....

I wanted a ditch not a valley!

Perspective....

Challenge...

Exhaustion...

My life in a nut shell these days.

Lately I've been hearing tons of stories from people who are walking through devastating hardships...makes me feel all warm and cozy to know I'm not alone.

We have been waiting, hoping and praying for some guidance with my husbands job....nothing yet. It will happen, we know it! It's just the "when"...and all the stuff that comes with....

Have you ever noticed when you are in a "valley" of hardship in your life you expect it to be less of a valley and more of a very shallow ditch. Something you hit and then pop right back out of?

But a valley is so much different then a ditch. It's a slippery slope down one side and can be miles and miles of flat land with no shade to the other side. It is also so tempting to give up in the very middle since the getting to other side looks to impossible to even happen. And of course the climb out is often the hardest part about getting out of the valley...the long up hill trek that makes you wanna....well you get the picture.

Isaiah 40:31
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

When I read this verse this week I was like....ok God, I could literally use those freaking eagle wings right now to fly my way out of this valley.

Learning that life doesn't stop with you when you have a trial or a hardship is the hardest thing that I have been realizing.

Even though you want to throw your time, resources and energy into solving the problem, life goes on.

My kids are still growing and needing attention and and guidance and are watching their mama oh so closely.

My house doesn't take into consideration that some days I just want to curl up and do nothing.

My husband still needs the good lovin, and the time, support, and effort of a loving wife.

So what do you do when your life doesn't let you fall apart?

Lol In my head I'm thinking fall apart anyway....but hear me out.

This is the beautiful part.

No matter what hardship you go through, no matter how deep the valley may be. Doesn't matter if it's your marriage, your finances or your kids that are falling apart.
You were never meant to be the rock.

You were never meant to be the one that holds its all together. Do you get to fall apart...no. But you do get to fall into him.

Is that not beautiful?

He carries you through the valley.
You don't have to worry that you won't make it to the other side.

He is the one that gives you strength and patience to be the mother he's called you to be.

He's the one that gives you the motivation to serve your family by doing that pile of laundry that has been looking at you for the past two days.

He's the one that brings you and your spouse closer then ever even when all odds are against you.

He's the one that gives you big picture perspective when you only see the now.

HIM

Isaiah 41:13
For I am the Lord your God
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
 I will help you.

He's so good. As a mother when I feel like I need to pour everything I have into the needs of my family it's him who is watching out for me. Taking care of me, pouring his spirit into me so that I can pour it into them.

So in hard seasons or valley days ladies, fall apart in his arms. Yell, scream, mourn...lay there in silence simply because you don't know where you start. Be angry and confused and lifeless with him . Because he is your strong and steady and your salvation, your breath... And he's got you.

This is real life

This has been a tough week. 

Ok. I'm lying this has been a tough couple of months for our family. 

So here it goes.

I was listening to the song Desert song by Hillsongs today and it reduced me to a puddle. 

Like seriously a sobbing mess of a women. 

Since the economy kinda crashed life has been hard for us. Financially and emotionally, mentally, spiritually...you name it. 

Watching my husband go through a time when work is really slow is hard. I see the stress it puts on him as a man to provide and the outcome  being completely out of his hands. 

Hard. 

Anyway I was listening to this song and the first and second verses just got to me 

"This is my prayer in the desert

when all that's with in me feels dry

This is my prayer 

In my hunger and need

My God is the God who provides.

This is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a proved of more worth then gold so refine me Lord through the flames"

There are seasons in your life where you spend the entire time on your knees. 

Simply because thats the only thing you can do. 

It sucks.

I wish that I could say that God reaches down and makes everything Rosie again as soon as we cry out. However majority of the time he uses these situations to shape your character, your faith and draw us closer to him and equip us better for the things he has called you to do. In the end yes, you come out stronger and better then you were before but until then .......

Everything has been questioned and answers have been searched for. 

Forcing and causing me to put everything in his hands....

Somedays I don't even feel like I can pray. 

Other days I'm so fired up because I'm completely confident that God is going to do something big.

And other days I sit and question if he hears me at all. 

Total abandonment of my control, of my dreams and plans. 

Scares the crap out of me. 

In the midst of it all I had my 6 year old son come to me with a problem, a simple mundane problem. He was acting like the drama king he is....the sky was falling in his world. I just kinda smiled and explained the situation for him...not stepping in to fix it right now knowing that he needed to figure it out on his own. We prayed and he went on his way.

I love when he does that. 

When he comes to me knowing that mommy will always take care of him. I treasure those moments when he slows down and comes to me with his problems.

It hit me right then....I have heard it many times before but once again I was reminded that that is how God is with us. 

I draw closest to him when I'm in trouble and he cherishes those moments. 

Growing is painful...but it's beautiful at the same time. What I am learning through this season in our lives is that I need to embrace the friends and family I have around me. Be vulnerable and not walk through this alone......

So ladies out there who are going through one of those "seasons" your not alone...you don't have to be alone...reach out, get some of those prayer warriors on your side the ones that hold you up when you feel like you can't do it anymore. 

Have your little crying moment and then stand on the word of God and know this is only part of your story! 

Jeremiah 29:11   

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.