Stepford wife challenge

Well I have finished my thirty day trial. 

To be honest I have been puttin off writing this. Not because I didn't learn and gain things from the experience. To be honest I don't know why. 

I think I started this trial because I wanted to have something to work towards, to feel like I was pushing myself to do something I could be proud of. 

I love my life, really I do.  All I've dreamed about since I was little is being a wife and mother....well now I am one, and even though this is the life I've always wanted, sometimes it feels dull. You need to spice it up. 

So I tried.

I don't know what I thought would come out of it. I knew I couldn't do everything, I knew I would fail. But I wanted to try.

So what have I learned. 

I have learned there is a difference between goals and desires. 

GOAL:     Something I want/ a purpose or objective to which I am unalterably commuted to accomplishing that I can achieve all by myself. I can do it and do it alone.

Desire: subjectively feels like something I want, that needs someone else's cooperation in order to accomplish it.

That is the most valuable thing I have learned. 

Why??? 

I had been mixing up my goals and desires. It causes me stress, heartbreak, and just everything awful. So getting those in perspective has changed the way I look...at everything. 

My marriage: 

Desires: To have a marriage where I give my love and have love returned to me. To have my husband take the role as the head of our house. To be partners in parenting and life. To be Madly in love. 

These are all nice desires. Some how though I let them make the shift from desire to goals. And if they weren't met, or if my husband didn't meet them I was angry, felt like a failure and so on. 

So I changed my thinking.

What is it I can do? 

Goals: Give love unconditionally to my husband. Let go of my control issues and let him be the head of the house. Actively seek ways to date.

I learned this because I tried. For a month I tried to be perfect...I guess in my mind I thought that my family would respond perfectly too. 

I was so so wrong, and I'm so glad they didn't. 

In my Parenting

Desires: Well behaved kids. Kind children. God loving children. Close relationships with my children.

These desires also were ones that turned into goals. 

If I just did this right and this right I would get this result

I found I was doing it in every area, trying to have control over everything that infact I never had control over. 

Eye opening to say the least. 

There are a ton of things that I will be continuing to do that I have learned from this trial. They are just minor things like cooking or cleaning. I now, however I am going to go through each area of my life and separate my desires and goals. Give my desires to the Lord where they should be, and work my butt off at my goals in every area. 

Thankful for this trial. I am not the same person I was when I first started, I am a completely changed person. I would do it again in a heartbeat. 

Thanks for joining me. I hope I was able to inspire you. 

My horrible no good very bad day

Week: 2

Today was one of THOSE days....

Early, way to early this morning both my boys burst into my room screaming at the top of their lungs "Merry Christmas". I then had to inform them that Christmas is  weeks away and that just because their is snow on the ground does not mean it Christmas. 

6:30am crying children. Yelling, crying children. Yelling crying children wake up baby the glorious start to my day. 

As I attempted to peel myself out of bed everything in my body screamed stay in bed and hide!! 

I stumbled down the stairs to quickly make my husbands lunch and start breakfast for my kiddies. I made great yogurt parfaits with blackberries and raspberries and granola. In mind my I was thinking pretty and yummy. 

My kids, not so much.

"I don't want berries".

"I want cereal...but there is no milk"

Two full melt downs and it wasn't even 7:30am yet. Impressive right. 

As we went on with our day and started school. My oldest sat at the table crying because he couldn't make his "h's" perfect. I tried explaining to him that they don't need to be perfect he just has to try. I also told him that he'll get better the more he practises. I then grabbed an old picture (or what I thought was an old picture) from the shelf and said look at this picture you coloured last year, it wasn't very good and you didn't stay in the lines but now that you've practised and your great at colouring. He looks at me with big watery eyes and exclaims "I coloured that yesterday".

#BIGfatmomfail 

He proceeded to spend the next half hour in his room crying and refusing to speak to me because I said he was bad at colouring. 

My day went on and on like that.

I'm not even going to get into how the oven started on fire at supper when I was baking my homemade cheese scones. 

Yes, my day was one of THOSE days.

I felt like throwing in the towel. More specifically I felt like throwing on my sweat pants and giving in...to the call of my couch. 

This is the part where I'd like to say God burst through the clouds with a great new perspective for me. 

NOPE! That most definitely did not happen. 

When I was settling into bed that night my husband leaned over to kiss his weary wife. I gave him a quick peck on the lips and snuggled into bed. He did not want a quick peck, he wanted sometime with his wife. 

That's when it became clear to me. 

In my life with all my responsibilities I have . After hard awful days like this one. This is the first thing to go. One of the very things that breathes life into me. 

The intimate, romantic, hilarious life giving moments I spend with my husband. 

Im so busy trying to be a good mother, making sure my kids are getting very thing they need every bit of my time and love. Or trying to do my wifely duties like cooking, cleaning laundry ect. Or serving everywhere an anywhere. That the very first thing in my life to get cut is our date night. Or our time together. 

Every single night at the day is done my husband gets my scraps. He gets the left overs from whatever kind of day I had.

When did I forget that he is and will always be the single most important person in my life. 

You can tell what you love by where your time, money and energy is spent. 

My Husband has been getting left in the dust. 

The Holy Spirit really took hold of my heart after that challenging me. If I say he is the most important person in my life then I need to guard our time together with more protectiveness then ever. Because the reality is we do have young kids, most days I will feel exhausted at the end of the day and he will get my scraps. That is why it is so important for me to take a stand and move my husband back into the priority spot he was met to be. 

Because at the end of the day when our family thrives, when Garrett and I love each other right, put each other first we become a team when it comes to life. Especially parenting and when we work together the way God intended our house is happier, and so much more full of love. 

We'll played God, well played.

This is the next change coming to our family. Nothing gets in the way of "mommy and daddy time".

Stepford wife challenge: week 1 complete

Well I survived. 

The first week of my Stepwife perfect life challenge has been insightful, challenging, inspiring and exhausting....but, I survived. 

I don't even think survived is a good way of describing it.

I thrived would be a better way of putting it. 

Going into it I was thinking hmm maybe it will be something neat to try, I might learn a few things. I see now this may just be the game changer for my life. 

I was talking with my husband as we were laying in bed yesterday, he turned to me and said "I'm really proud of you, you've done such a good job this week,

we've had a really good week."

I guess I wasn't expecting that because I was kind of floored. Looking back over the week though I realized that him and I got along really well this week. We didn't have any fights and we were really happy. 

Not that we aren't happy normally, but this week was a different kind of happy...a peaceful calm happy.

Do you ever feel as wife, especially a stay at home wife that everything you do is overlooked. That maybe no one actually sees or apprieciates what you do? 

Well I do. 

Sometimes I feel like it's just expected and certainly not appreciated.

But sitting there listening to my husband telling me that he appreciates every effort I put in this week, that I did a great job and he's proud of me. 

It wasn't the words that got me choked up. It was the look on his face, the body language he had been giving off all week. 

He was relaxed, peaceful, calm. 

Some how my crazy challenge put my husbands spirit at ease. 

Which was a goal of mine. When he walks through that front door after work I wanted him to feel like he was walking into a peaceful household. 

The Holy Spirit whispered something in my heart then, something I already knew but even so it felt like some one dropped a bucket of really icy water on me. 

I set the tone of my house. Wether it is n a caotic state or a peaceful one. I am responsible for the atmosphere of my house. 

My husband, being the head of our house sets the tone of our family. 

When he steps through that front door and the atmosphere is peaceful, it puts him at ease. Helps him to let go of the stresses of the day, which helps him to be a more loving father, husband and leader. We respond to his mood, his demeanour, his stress. When I can help him come home to a relaxing environment, I am setting up our family to win. 

So great!

This past week I didn't do everything perfect, and I probably found 100 new things to add into next week. But I am learning this everyday and kicking the laziness monster in the butt. 

This next week I am gearing up to take it to the next level, more God, more effort, better planning and we will see where that takes me. 

Oooo and this week I'm going to attempt making bread...and a bunch of other things I have no idea how to make...which is kinda exciting. Up until now my idea of cooking has kinda been how simple can I make it...and can I order it in. Soooo we will see! Especially since on Halloween I ate like a years share of candy.....#hormones

It been an awesome blessing walking through this with all of you, thanks for all the encouragement! 

Stepford wife challenge

Well I'm three days into my Stepford wife challenge and it has been so interesting. I'm learning so many things about myself and my kids, I get to come face to face with my bad habits everyday ...what a joy. 

So you have an idea of what my schedule looks like I broke a Monday down for so you can see.

MONDAY

I had set my alarm to go off at 6:45am thinking I will beat my kids up. I'll be able to prepare breakfast and have it waiting for them and my husband when they get up. I was thinking Proverbs 31:15   She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and organizes work for her servant girls.

(Man I wish I had servant girls...can I get a heck yes!)

I was all like yea I got this, I even prepped my banana muffins the night before thinking I'd be ahead of the game. 

The little rotters beat me up...nothing like waking up to your three year old telling you he took his pull up off during the night and peed the bed. YIPPIE 

So anyway I cleaned up the mess and proceeded to make my muffins thinking, look at the new Martha Stewart over here.......only to have my kids wine that they didn't like them.

Yes, the beast in me stared to stir...I felt like yelling "the go ahead and starve!". I held my tounge though and kept telling myself that the Holy Spirit gives peace and patience and that's exactly what I got when I asked "Holy spirit please help me to complete these goals I have with kindness and patience". That's when I had my first revelation. How often do I stop and pray in the moment of the situation I am going through. Not enough! 

It gave me that extra little push I needed. 

We finished our morning devotions and moved on. 

So I had the kids do their chores and ready for the day. I did my devotions while they watched right now media on their iPads. We then started school. 

Each week I do a theme with them just to make it a bit interesting. This week is ocean and we are learning with ocean themes in every subject. Everything from what sinks and what floats to goldfish math it's been a blast. 

 Then came my first real test of the day, nap time. Usually the boys would play their IPADS, Esmae and mommy would lay down. 

I put Esmae down fighting the hundred different excuses in my head at that point as to why I should lay down even just for a bit. I tried coffee...Yuck yuck yuck. Could not hold my coffee down at all soooo I had to fly solo. So I trudged on. 

My goodness, during that nap time I was able to clean the entire house with out kids distracting me. It was wonderful! 

I fought the exhaustion through that hour but in the end it just was so much better for everyone. 

We finished the rest of our school and went onto lunch. Our devos at lunch were about being appreciative...anyone guess what example I used?? At the end of lunch I had my 5 year old come up to me and apologize for being difficult in the morning. 

I wept...wept like a little baby. 

I am so quick to yell in a situation that it usually kills any opportunity I have to teach my kids. Even though I apologize after for yelling the moment is gone and they don't have the same perspective on it at all. Eye opener #2.

We went on with our day reading, laughing and I caught up on all the laundry (That never ever happens...like I've been married for 7 years and this is the first time.) 

I prepped my supper which was mozzarella stuffed meatballs in the slow cooker with low carb spaghetti. On Monday's I teach dance so I often get the sitter to make frozen pizza. It was so nice smelling the succulent smell meatballs all afternoon. 

I taught dance, came home to a clean house. 

That just doesn't happen. It was beautiful.

Until I walked to the bathroom to find underwear and socks on the floor and toothpaste everywhere. I took and deep breath and spent the 3 seconds cleaning it up this time instead of the 5 minutes lecturing my husband about all the work I had done that day and how his socks on the floor is a sign he is saying I don't care about anything you do. That was a real test ladies.

I prepped school, food and dance classes for the next day and crawled into bed for a nice cuddle with my husband before sleep. 

I then noticed something. 

My mind was clear.

Like really really clear and peaceful.

I often struggle with anxiety, especially at night. That night was different. My mind was clear and peaceful. 

I made the connection really fast but it was bang on. The state of my house is directly connected to my state of mind. 

I was blown away. Wow #3.

I was so ready and exhausted to go to bed that I was out by 10, which is not really normal for this night hawk.

It is crazy what setting goals for yourself changes in your life. Not only setting goals, but setting goals that are saturated in prayer and seeking God for your life. I increased my work load during the day and the amount of time and effort goes into planning the details, but I have also increased my God time which brings me peace that I cannot decribe. 

So my first three days have been busy and crazy. Filled with unexpected kid issues and learning to speak only positive and lovingly to my husband, looking my strongholds in the face and so much exhaustion I really could go on forever about it. But The thing I am taking away most so far is that the realization that I wasn't even aware of the large amount of things that were holding me back in my life that I was willingly giving into. 

It's a learning process and I'm excited to see where God is going to take me to with this. 

Here we go

Tonight I went and got all my last minuet Preperations for my 30day Stepford wife trial. 

One of my priorities on my list was to make healthy meals for my family. Low to no sugar and old fashioned cooking. 

Well let me tell you that is harder then it looks. I've always known that there is tons and tons of unhealthy processed food out there, but for some reason tonight at the grocery store I became extra aware of it. 

I mean I could cook and entire thanksgiving or Christmas meal and not actually do any cooking. Everything your mind can think of is in a box, or microwave friendly, or found in the frozen food isle. 

I had this moment of guilt when I found myself standing holding a box of frozen cheesy biscuits and thinking hmmm these look amazing....like red lobster biscuit amazing. While I was standing in the frozen food isle I had an inner and outer battle of do I put these in my cart or not. So I thought about what would my idea of the perfect Stepford wife/mother do...of course the conclusion I came to was bake her own.

I'm pretty sure the people passing me were thinking I was crazy putting the the biscuits in the freezer and taking them out again...then bursting into laughter at the idea of baking biscuits. 

In the end I put the biscuits back and challenged myself to once again really go all in for these thirty days and try to baking my own. 

I don't know if it's because I'm to exhausted that I don't do things like bake buns and bread for my family. Or if it's out of the convenience of having it right there only a start button away. Or if it's because I don't have time. 

I often use the excuse I don't have time then do something like watch TV like a zombie for 4 hours at night. 

Anyway I was challenged tonight to try for the best, cleanest, and yummiest food for my family this month with the majority being from SCRATCH! 

HA! We will see how that plays out. 

I haven't even stared my 30 days yet and I'm already struggling with the many excuses in my mind that daily plague me. 

But I am ready to go now, tomorrow I trade in my nice warm comfy PJs and husbands T-Shirt for a frilly apron and cooking book! 

HERE WE GO! 

My perfect life -Prep

I have been making list after list of what my "perfect life" would look like. 

So far I have the following:

Cleaning list

Meal plan list

Activity list 

Goal list 

I even have a list with time slots to make other lists

So I sat down and thought about what are my goals for this experiment with the different roles I play in my life. 

As a mother: 

- Do devotions with them morning & evening.

-Putting aside time to spend with each child. 

- Cut out TV and help them find other activites to do 

- Healthy snacks that are not processed 

( I'm going to attempt to make everything from Scratch) 

Wife:

- Take one night a week to devote all attention to my husband 

-Pray together every night 

-Only positive uplifting words come out of my mouth about him 

-Relinquish  my need to control everything and let him be the head of the house 

Friend 

- Take time to spend pouring into the people I treasure in my life 

Christian:

-Reading my bible twice a day

-Having a specific prayer time set apart 

-Find time in my day to serve those around me 

Homemaker: 

-Clean house every night before I go to sleep

-Not letting laziness take over when I should be cleaning or organizing or cooking 

- 3 square meals a day with food preparation the night before 

-Be freshened up everyday when my husband arrives home 

-Strive to make everything from scratch

Dance teacher

- Plan meaningful devotions 

- Have my lessons planned out perfectly 

- Go above and beyond my role

Worship leader

-To spend the time in prayer needed to lead a team 

-Spend the time to work on the music musically before worship 

- Come with a plan 

- Be genuinely interested in what my team members are going through 

Homeschooling parent:

- Plan out each lesson for each kid

- Be creative and fun 

- Complete all 4 days of school each week 

-Each child gets one on one time 

-Be patient and encouraging

Women: 

-Find me time 

-Pamper myself

- Spend time on a hobby 

Healthy me:

-Exercise daily 

-No eating after 730pm

-Lights out at 1030pm

- Eat whole meals (no processed food)

-Limit amount of sugar 

- Eat breakfast 

- No ordering in 

Going through and making all these goals was a little overwhelming. Achieving Stepford wife awesomeness looks like it will prove to be a challenge. 

Along with my goals I have written out schedules for my days, what goes where and what I must do when. 

What I found interesting was when I got to some of the things on my list that I decided had to go for this months trial to work I got extremely defensive. 

Napping was one of them. 

I have an 11 month old cutie who is pretty amazing, I'm absolutely loving having a girl. However my little diva is still getting up 5 times a night which can make for a tired mommy. I have decided though that the perfect housewife wouldn't take naps, so for the sake of the experiment I'm cutting my naps and taking up coffee! Which is kind of a bit scary since I have never had a cup of coffee in my life....we will see how that plays out. 

That prove though that I am already finding idols in my life, things that I am putting before everything else. I find myself already trying to think up excuses for taking a nap or not exercising or eating a bag of chips...and I love it. 

That is the exact reason I'm doing this! 

The excuses. The good intentions.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. 

I always say I want to do this or that better, lose weight, exercise more, be more patient with my kids. But instead of doing any of it I come up with award winning excuses as to why I can't or won't. 

I have decided I don't want my life to be a life of excuses or good intentions. I want it to be a life that is full of action. 

So nervous to take this journey but I am already learning things so I know this is going to be an adventure. 

My month of the perfect life.

I love Pinterest. 

It has so many great ideas about how to be a good homemaker,wife,mother, friend, how to decorate your house or teach your kids. Pretty much anything you can think of!!

I often spend hours pinning ideas and thinking about how to better myself. Sometimes I wish that I could be the "Pinterest mom". She closely resembles a version of the Proverbs 31 wife. She just seems to have it all together.

I have never had it all together, not even a bit. I'm messy and clumsy, rude and selfcentered, and so so busy....if I find time in the day to have a shower it's a win!

However, this topic of the perfect life got me thinking of something I would like to try. What if for one month I had it all together, If everything was how I envisioned it should be. If I was efficient and read my bible tons, exercised, made all healthy home cooked meals. Had my homeschooling, worship practise, dance lessons planned out to perfection. The cherry on top would that I would have loads of time to spend with my husband.

What if I had it all down? 

What if I pulled it off?

I came up with three possible outcomes. 

1. I would crash and burn with the stress pretty much in the first couple days.

2. I would fall in love with living the "perfect life"

3. I would find balance somewhere in the middle

I know that it is Jesus that I need to find my "perfect life in". However this idea had me wondering what would my life look like or how would I feel if I took every standard I hold myself to in my head and spent one month meeting all of them. 

So I thought why not try! 

The only thing I have to lose is my sanity and that clearly disappeared three kids ago. 

So I'm going to take the weekend to figure out all the schedules, meal plans and so on. Monday morning I'm going to jump into my ideal "perfect life" routine and have a little adventure. 

Hope you will join me for the journey....

Good Girl Church Face

This was a hard post to write.

 Not because I had trouble thinking of things to say. No, just because my pride took a big hit. 

I was surfing through my posts on Facebook and I came across a quote by D. L Moody that rocked me to my core.

A man ought to live so that everyone knows he's a Christian...and most of all his family ought to know.

I love Jesus. Everyday I seek to know him more...some days I fail...like really fail. Some days are awesome. Regardless of if it's an awesome day or if it's a "I'll try again tomorrow" day I have this nasty habit. One of those ones you don't want to admit.

I have a this nasty habit of putting on my good girl church face the minuet I walk out the door...and taking it off the minuet I walk back in.

Do you know the one? 

The one where I'm the perfect mother, perfect wife, perfect friend, perfectly put together person. Yup that's the one. 

For some reason when I go out the door or talk to other people I have a habit of putting on my GGCF...well let's be honest it's not a habit, it's pride. 

PRIDE 

The thing I find keeps me from Jesus most. 

I have this fear of people knowing that I mess up, that I'm not perfect. That there are days that I fail.

With my family I have days I don't care,when I don't try. They are my family they're stuck with me and will always love me. Right? 

Truth, both of those are results of pride. 

I know when I am not vulnerable and authentic with people I can potentially be robbing them of seeing Jesus and the work he doing in my life.

When I don't take the proper time to get my self focused on the Lord, I rob my husband of a wife who's focused on loving him in a godly way, and I rob my children of a mom who is focused on patience and loving them so that they see Jesus. Which ultimately is the most important thing I will do with my life. 

Pride.

It mixes up my priorities. Thinking that it's more important how everyone else sees me then how my family does. 

It gets me believing that it's more important to look perfect then to be authentic. 

Our families deserve our best. 

I want my family to see a consistant authenticness in me. One that is vulnerable and open and is always trying to get better. Most of all I want them to be able to say that Jesus was always moms priority, public,at home, that's what she strived for, and she did it well.

How in the world do you get to that place? 

 Day in day out I'm still working on it with the grace of God, I'll let you know if I ever get there! 

Romans 12:2

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Take time to think about that quote... Maybe ask the hard questions. 

A New Creation

I have been inspired!

Inspired may not be the right word...I have been filled with anger... Righteous anger, but anger non the less.

Sin...I hate it! 

I am not the same person I was five years ago. Heck, I'm not even the same person I was two years ago. I would even go as far as to say I'm not the same person I was six months ago. Feel me? 

We are continuously changing, growing, becoming more like God as we work day in and day out to know him more.

Two years ago if some one had told me I would be homeschooling my children, seeing a midwife for a home birth, becoming sugar free, I would have laughed in their face! 

But low and behold here I am. My views have changed, my personality has changed, even the friends I have have changed. 

So what's bugging me about all this change? 

No one sees it!!! 

Sin is like this icky black yuck that sticks to you and alters your life and the lives of people around you, unless you get rid of it. The longer you are stuck in it the more damage it does. 

Praise the Lord for Jesus and what he has done so I don't have to walk around feeling like I have icky black yuck all over me. It's so freeing to know you are free and don't have to be in bondage that has held you back for so long. 

So, I have Jesus. What do I have to complain about? 

I have been so burdened lately as I realize that even though I am free from sin and the things I have done in the past, people still see me as the person I was back then. They still respond to me as if I'm the same person as I was then. It makes me think. Am I really doing such a horrible job of showing Christ if people aren't seeing a change in me? 

Have you ever felt like that? Like everyone still sees you like you were instead of how you are now, and who your trying to be? It's stressful. 

You don't want to be consumed with pleasing people or getting people to like you but sometimes I just wanted to shout  from the roof.

CAN ANYBODY SEE ME??? 

Then God does this.

Luke 6:31

And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.

Do I look at others that way? Do I look at their heart and try and see the person behind whatever idea I have of them in my head? Or, do I go off of a past encounter with them? 

I don't. I judge people on their sin. On their past sin. On their mistakes and I forget that they have a heart that is changing and growing. 

#OUCH 

Everything we do with Christ is a day in day out work in progress. For me to look at people like Christ sees them will take me forever. To teach me to look at the heart. That also tells me that people seeing a change in me is going to be a day in day out thing. 

As much as I wish people knew me and my heart now. I know it won't happen over night. The only thing I can do is try to look at others with the compassion and the understanding that I would like people to give me. 

I can also take a great comfort in knowing that God sees it, the transformation that daily goes on in my heart. That when he looks at me I am a new creation. 

2 Corinthians 5:17 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Mommy drama

I'm When I was a teenager I would dream about growing up and being an adult.

I'd dream about the fantastic marriage I would have to my incredibly hot husband (which is so true!) and the adorable children I would have. How I would have a cute little house where my kids could play, loads of mommy friends where I would have mommy dates and we would do awesome activities together.

Some how drama didn't fit into the picture of my happily ever after.

I think I figured "drama" would be left in high school. 

MAN could I have been more wrong. 

There is still drama, but it's been multiplied times two. The players are stealthier, more experienced and the steaks are higher because it often involves our kids or husbands.

How do we deal with it though?

Unfortunately as long as we are in contact with other people drama will show its ugly face every now and then. 

However there are things we can do though to limit the amount of drama in our lives.

A couple of years ago I was faced exactly with that question. 

WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT?

So I got my bible out and set to work. 

The conclusion I came to is....drum roll 

Have a battle plan! 

Since you can't escape drama you have to have a plan in place for dealing with it. 

Here is my battle plan I came up with. 

1. Look at their heart

Most times drama stems from bitterness, misinformation or hurt. Trying to understand how the other person is feeling can help you get to the root of the problem. Asking the Lord to help you see the WHY in it. Most times they are trying to get something across but don't know how to....result=drama. 

2. Take time to get your emotions under control and pray pray pray

Most of the time when we get involved with drama your first instinct is get angry and fight back. To protect ourselves. I have realized that one of the first things I need to do is step back, get my emotions under control instead of letting them control me. Then pray. Pray for the Holy Spirit to help me to handle it in a God honoring way and to help my anger and hurt. If I am to angry to pray, I go to some one else removed from the situation and get them to pray.

3. Choose your friends carefully

Proverbs 22:24-25 

Do not make friends with a hot tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.

Proverbs 17:17A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

This is more a pre-battle strategy.First thing I did was go through my friends and ask the difficult questions. Do the people I consider friends line up with what the bible says a friend is? Were my friends people who desired to be in true relationship with me? One where we are honest and encourage,pray and uplift one another? Was our relationship healthy? Do they stick beside me in hard times? These hard questions where asked and I had to come to terms that some of the relationships I had in my life weren't healthy and drama kept popping up with that person and I knew those friendships  had to go. As a mother and a wife my time is limited and precious and I have no choice but to be intentional and picky with my time and where and who I give it to.

And no, that pre-battle stuff is not an easy one.

I believe God created us for true community with others. Where we can be  really honest with each other. When situations arise that could quickly turn into drama we sit down talk it out. Those friendships are worth the time and effort that is so precious to us as busy moms.

Food for thought...

Lastly though and the most important. Be the friend you would want. Be a person who seeks true friendship and practice the qualities daily. Because truth of the matter is you attract like minded people to you! 

A fruity marriage

A Fruity Marriage

I love bubble baths! They are one of those things that make me say "God, whoever you gave the idea of the bath tub to THANKYOU" and a jacuzzi "Well played, well played!"
It is that special time of night where I get to de-stress and lay in a scalding hot pool of bliss, slip away into another world as I read a good book. 

 I'm in the midst of re-reading redeeming love. (If you havent read it, seriously you're missing out) It is the story of Michael and Angle, a modern day Hosea and Gomer very beautifully written.

Every time I read this book I just fall in love with the love story, especially Micheal. I fall in love with his character....I him riding in on a white horse...shirtless...bahahaha ok, im kidding. Seriously every time it gets me thinking about marriage. 

Ahhh marriage it can be as close to heaven or hell that we will experience on this earth. The idea of joining yourself to another person for the rest of your life is such a romantic thought...real life can be a bit different.
I could probably spend all my time writing about how fantastic marriage is and even longer complaining about it. There are so many difficulties,victories, laughs and tears when it comes to marriage, it's hard to know where to start.
 Today though I want to talk about women who become disappointed that their marriage doesn't reflect God and isn't this grand love story. Women who start thinking maybe this isn't the man God wanted me to marry. He's not a leader or gentle or insert whatever else you can here. Ladies I've been there. In a nut shell those were probably my first two years of marriage.....and one question changed everything.

How can your marriage reflect God if your life doesn't?

Sounds simple right. Wrong!
I started noticing the hopes and dreams I had for my marriage, the practises and the morals I wanted in my marriage weren't in my personal life. Marriage is just an extension of who you already are after all right...so I realized things had to change.
 I had to learn to love like Jesus loved. So I started in the most obvious place 1 Corinthians 13. You know what I'm talking about? I promise you if you haven't personally read it, you have heard it, its pretty much the go to wedding verse. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy or boast...blah blah blah. So I just started going down the list and praying...


Love is patient: Lord give me patience in my daily life, with my husband and with my children, give me opportunities to practise patience....and so on and so forth.
Knowing that the these were the fruits of the spirit and that the spirit is in me, I knew that the more I practised, prayed and watched for opportunities the more I'd learn to love like Jesus...guess what...it worked!!
Well I should say working. Its a continuous day in and day out thing that has turned my marriage into this hot mess off awesomeness, every day it looks more and more like the plan God has for our marriage. The more I practise the fruits of the spirit in my own life the more my heart changes and becomes more like Christ, the more my heart becomes like Christ the more my marriage reflect one that has God as its anchor. More and more I see my husband like Christ see him and the more in love I fall with that fantastic man he is. Do we still have a long way to go? Oh heck yes, but I wouldn't trade our love story in for any story in a book.

Until Jesus Christ is the obsession of your heart you will always be looking to mere men to meet the need that only he can fill. Only when you make Jesus Christ your first love, will you be ready for a love story that reflects his glory. ~ annoyomous


Shesoneinabrazilian

 

Mommy time

I

MOMMY TIME

I lay there, still, as my heart begins to pound I hear the crunching and turning like it's right beside me. I know I can't move an inch or make a sound or I will give it all away and face my dreaded doom. I hear it, the wail that starts off soft and grows louder and louder...if only I could find a way to stop it, if only I could just close my eyes and disappear everything would be better. Then I hear it THUMP.....THUMP......THUMP....thump thump thump thump and the loud creeeeeeeek and I try to cover myself in hopes that I won't be seen. It can't be happening, not now not yet.I panic and start to sweat and my heart is almost beating out of my chest. Then I hear in a quiet whisper "Mom,is it time to wake up?" I see the 5:45am bright on my phone and think to myself, curse you sun. One by one they pop out of bed and I have to leave my sanctuary of my covers....ugh...I hate mornings.

If your a mom...you have probably been there. You know, when you hear your kids in the next room and in your head you pray "Jesus, just 10 more minutes". Yup that is me...well most days. I've tried the whole Proverbs 31:15 thing "she gets up while its still night...." You know read my devos have breakfast all ready for the kids and husband. Let me tell you falling asleep on the toilet doesn't look good on anyone. Can I get an Amen!

At the end of the day though being a mom is still the greatest gift I have been given and I love it so much and wouldn't give it up for anything in the world. However, it's got me thinking. I get up every morning when the kids do, spend all day teaching,playing and raising my kids and sometimes I forget there was a person here before mommy and before wife.

It makes me think about the midlife crises thing when all my kids have moved out and my mom role has changed significantly, will there be any Jessika left?
So often we as mothers take on mommy as our full identity during child raising years

We pour ourselves day and night into loving on our babies exactly like wonderful mothers should. We often overlook one of the most crucial parts of being a momma..."mommy time"!!

That time that is specifically set aside AWAY from your children doing things that fill you up and encourage you. I've tried to have "mommy time" at home, nope, doesn't work! Those little monsters find me every single time...I can't ever pee in peace!
Taking time to yourself, with your husband or friends is so important and crucial to being a good parent.
When your with your kids all the time they play you out,know how to push all your buttons and give you a couple mini heart attacks a day. In order to love them the way God intended us to love them we have to have time to recharge and refuel so we have something to pour out for them that's worth pouring out. I'm not talking about once a year type thing, I'm talking on regular basis.
We need both physical rest and Godly rest.

So ladies take some time to sit and spend with the Lord and to find your passions. Paint, go to a movie, even sneak in some "mommy daddy time ooo lala". But get out, refuel so that you can love those beautiful babies better today then you did yesterday.



Hebrews 4: 9-11 “Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience.”
Shesoneinabrazilian