Morning is what happens when you wake up!

Hey ladies, I've been so blessed by all the women who have been following my blog and walking with our family lately it's been such a blessing, so thank you..... Tonight I just had this urge again to spill my heart out on paper...or screen. My hope and prayer is that some of you can relate!

Do you ever feel numb?
Like your just kinda floating through your days. I feel like this has been my life lately.

I'm a word girl, I know my word and am in it regularly. But I feel like lately it's been a one way relationship as far as that goes. The thing that I have had to stand on lately are the words I read in my bible, and only that.
I haven't been getting huge revelations from God or had any life changing encounters.
It was simply telling myself day in and day out to believe what the bible tells me.

I found it funny to see how when something like our financial stability was shaken my faith is rocked and tested.
I kept saying "I'm a Peter".....I can get up and preach about the love of Christ and claim I would do anything for My Jesus...but then turn around and start questioning everything as soon as my faith is tested.

It wasn't until church this past Sunday that everything fell into place.
At church our pastor said these words...

"God is more concerned about your character then your comfort"

It was something that was so hard to hear.

It wasn't like this was the main topic of the sermon or anything but just one of those passing phrases. It's hilarious to its something I know, it would probably even be something I would say to some one else, however this day it stuck with me and I was unable to listen to anything else in the service because my mind couldn't move from that phrase.

Comfort....

If you think about it from the moment we are born we are taught to reach for the things that bring us comfort. Our mothers, our blankets, soothers, favorite toys....it seems to change with age but the idea stays the same. Comfort and safety seem to be tied together and we WANT it. We will do almost anything to feel safe.

As I thought about this phrase more and more I started to reflect on these past months. I noticed a pattern when I got panicked or worried.....I would pray...but I didn't know what to pray for....I would then get angry...then turn my anger to God or if I was really scared my husband...round and round the merry go round I went.

I have prayed so many times...God we are believing for this or bring us this...or we need this.....

I was like wow I'm so annoying.....

It was this profound turning point in my heart and in our trial and my own personal growth "I said God help me to put my idea of comfort and safety aside, show me what your trying to cultivate in me how your trying to grow me"

It was the first time in months that my spirit has lined up with the word of God.
It was the first time in months that my spirit was at peace.
It was the first time in months that I was free from anger and blame and worry.

It was as if everything was lifted off of me. Let me rephrase that, everything WAS lifted off of me.

Looking at this situation and watching God pull out of me this willing, broken, fully surrendered spirit has me in complete awe.

He moves when he moves and it is always right.

He knows my person so intimately and so profoundly that it pushes me to be more like him.

We have heard the bible say "joy comes in the morning". I have heard this great quote that says morning isn't necessarily in the a.m, morning is what happens when you wake up!

Taking my eyes off the problem and putting them on the provider.

So.....today the kids and I went out and got a bunch of stuff to make one of my husbands favorite meals, we had the works. With a lovely dessert (not jello like the kids suggested). Got a bottle of sparkling water and had a hero supper for my husband.

Growth is fantastic when you get reach the realization spot of growth but the "waiting" part is difficult and often one tends to take it out on the people closest to them, even when you don't know it.

Has our situation changed, nope not really. But my perspective has....once again this God you were right...you were giving me what I need when I needed it. You knew when to push me, when to be silent, when to test me and when shout so that I woke up!

The only words I have for you Lord is thank you....