Inside out

I had just finished a wonderful evening with wonderful ladies. We laughed, we got real, we took a break from life. It was grand....a breath of fresh air.

I got in the car, smile on my face thinking that was wonderful. Yet, there is this underlying sense of insecurity coming off the memories of the night.

Feeling like I'm in high school for thinking " oooh I wonder If I fit in" I pushed the thoughts away.

I was just getting my music all ready to jam out to on the way home when I got a text. It shook me up a bit and an insane need to be be angry, jealous and get revenge ripped through me.

I drove and as I'm driving I'm thinking about what I would "fake" say to this person if I could let loose. Or how i could get revenge...or just kind of stewing over it...over and over and over.

When I got home I walked in the door of my house....imagine with me for a second the red anger guy from inside out when he explodes, yup that was me.

Supper was still out on the table. Half of the perfectly good chicken wasted. I was ticked.

Anger...jealousy...revenge...

These emotions are ones we go through daily, and most of the time we just push them down and try to think positive.

Half the time I'm waiting for something big to throw me off my game with God....but the truth is its the little things. The everyday emotion we experience and push away. Its the thoughts we continue to entertain that are like rot to our souls.

It's that little spark of anger that keeps getting pushed down till it blows into a full blown adult tantrum, where words coming out of our mouth don't just hurt they destroy the people around us.

It's that thought that you don't fit in that eats away at your identity in Christ. Until it is not just a whisper anymore but a loud recorded voice on repeat.

It's that jealousy, that has you dreaming about the satisfaction of taking the other person down.

It's that voice that comes into your head when for the hundredth time supper is left out on the table...spouting lies that say this is how much your husband loves you, he doesn't care about anything you do in the house.

It's these things, the little everyday things that fester and grow like a disease in us. That work with all their might to pull us away from the beautiful truth and freedom and relationship that is found in Christ.

And the only reason they are able to do this is because we let them......we aren't on guard. We are so used to thinking and hearing and dealing with these thoughts and emotions that we don't know until it's to late and bitterness has set in that our eyes are opened....and it's a long journey back from bitterness.



Ephesians 6:12
12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.